The sky is so dark, sometimes like my thoughts. When I awaken every morning there is a sadness I am overcome with. Maybe it’s the loneliness. Jude and Lucy and now Sailor Blue force me to get up and start my day. Without them I am afraid I would just let the sadness consume me. They need me just as much as I need them. We are a team. It’s the start of spring. Troy loved this time of year. He would be thinking about planting his garden. He loved gardening. I remember one year he made copies of a video on how to grow tomatoes in Texas for co-workers. He liked it when he could help someone else. He was always thinking of others. I wish he could help me now. Help me to go on with my life, to get up and enjoy things like he did. But I just get so lonely and sad without him. When I look at the other widows who are way younger than me, I think to myself that I should be so thankful for the 42 years we had together. He helped me raise our children, they had a great Dad. I was so blessed in that way. Some do not even have that. They are left alone to raise their children by themselves. Our children have all the wonderful memories of a great Dad who loved them so very much. I must say that I now know how my mother felt when my Dad died. I had no idea of the emptiness, loneliness and sadness. I do now. Until you have walked it in your shoes you have no idea. Losing a spouse is nothing like losing a parent. I am now the age Troy was when he died. I think about that.
Jane is a Widow 