Jane is a Widow

unable to find my friend Risa. Her Dad bought her a car when we started driving and she drove us everywhere. She took me to Laurel when Troy lived there with Dan Drysdale. We went there almost every weekend. He lived in an old farm house on a hill. It would take us about an hour to get there and it was out in the middle of nowhere. A fellow classmate told me that Risa passed away. I have been unable to locate her obituary. The last time I saw her was when I went to one of my high school reunions. We had some good times together. She got pregnant and married and we lost touch with each other. She’s an important part of my memories…..

it was. Getting everything ready for our wedding. Almost half way there. I originally had a June date but changed it to April. He took me shopping in December to pick out an engagement ring. April was rolling around fast. I couldn’t wait…..

where we lived right before we got married. Troy was working in Kokomo and I was working in Muncie. Fairmount was smack dab in the middle. We lived in a mobile home park right down the street from where James Dean was buried. That was his home town and the town had James Dean days every year. It was a nice little town that would get us to the next town where we lived…..

a lot right now. Maybe it’s because it’s the month we got married in. The grief comes in waves, sometimes calm and other times like a rip current trying to pull me under. We always went to church on Easter, I really miss that. This year I have been ultra sensitive about him being gone…almost overcome with sadness….

the person who completed your life, you have no idea how your insides are torn apart. The pain of losing them, how do you go on without them? I remember my Mother telling me how after my Father died she spent every day sitting on the couch. She couldn’t function, only after I lost Troy did I understand what she meant, what she was going through. That horrible pain that wouldn’t go away. Asking yourself how do I go on without them. We were supposed to be together forever, how did this happen, why did it happen? God sees us through, helps us find our way and puts people in our lives to help us move forward. We are never the same, forever changed. How can you go through something so traumatic and not be changed. Something that was part of your life is forever gone. Their touch, smell, everything about them gone. I often reflect on the millions of memories I have of our life together. Some good, some bad but they made me who I am today. I’m so thankful for the time we had together…..I’ll always love you Troy. 💕

brings back lots of memories of when I was a kid and attended sunrise service every Easter. One Easter I got a duck and some little colored chicks. We always had chickens when I was growing up. I would go collect the eggs every morning in the chicken coop. Then Troy and I always filled plastic eggs and hid them in the yard and it was so much fun watching the kids hunt for them. One year we got them a bunny. Makes for lots of good memories. Wish Troy was here to share them with me…..

to the best mother in law ever. I miss you, you were like a mother to me. You and John raised a good son who I was lucky enough to be married to. You both were so good to me. I miss you both. I’ll always be grateful for the love you both showed me. Until we meet again…..it didn’t matter that we weren’t on the same political side.

Troy had a really good intuition about people. He saw them for what they really were. He said things and I now know what he was talking about. He just isn’t here to experience it. Me on the other hand like to think that those people in my life are good people. But they aren’t always and they do mean things to you and they do things to hurt you. At some point you see people for what they really are. Under all that niceness you saw is the ugly. It eventually comes out and digs its ugly claws into you. You must remember that there are evil people in the this world and sometimes they make their way into your life. But good always wins over evil…..

On March 11 in 2011 I said goodbye to a very special lady, Elaine McInchak. She fought MS with grace. She was always doing for others. She came and took me out to lunch after one of my ankle surgeries. She could hardly walk herself but that didn’t stop her. Her husband Bob took such good care of her. She touched many lives with her generous spirit. She was a shining light. I miss talking to you Elaine but I think of you often. Thanks for being my friend….RIH