Jane is a Widow

don’t understand the grief that goes with losing your spouse. It’s a different grief from losing a parent. A lot of people don’t have empathy for widows/widowers. Their life goes on but ours stops dead in our tracks. Where do we go from here. We change in order to cope with our loss. We are never the same. I know Troy would want me to be safe, have help from others because he mentioned that on his deathbed. He wanted me to have people that would be there for me. Cause he would do that for others if he could. Unfortunately people let us down because they don’t understand what we are going through. If they are married they will someday go through the same thing unfortunately. I believe Troy would be glad that Melvin is here to help me when I need it. Troy would not want me to be all alone. Melvin has picked up where others have left me….for that I am thankful.

Father’s Day and it’s always a trigger for me. Troy started acting very ill on Fathers Day. He was outside messing with the pool. And he came in and he just wasn’t acting himself. He slept in his chair all night and didn’t want to go to his doctors appointment. I called them and they said to take him to emergency room. They admitted him to the hospital and little did I know he would never come home again….💔

getting items ready to sale before I move. Things like desks, cedar chests, beds, etc. is amazing how much you accumulate in your lifetime. I definitely want to downsize. I don’t need all these items, I have tons of quilts that were handmade. I’m sure I can sell them. I just need to keep downsizing, I’ll eventually get there…..

we said goodbye to Troy’s mother Ruby. She had been in the hospital since her heart attack and she never recovered from her open heart surgery. She went through so much, she ended up having to have both her legs amputated and from there things went downhill. I remember going to see her that day, it was so difficult seeing her like she was. Troy had spent every moment he could at the hospital in between working full time and attending college full time. He ended up flunking one of his classes because he spent every spare moment at the hospital. I wrote the Dean of his subject and asked how they could do that to him. How could they expect him to not spend his mother’s final days with her. They reversed his grade and excused him for his lack of presence in that class. For that I was thankful. He loved his Mother so much and so did I. Losing her was so very hard. Her death changed him….he was never the same.

that reminded me of a conversation Troy and I had on occasion, about certain people who believe they are so grandiose, smarter than you and they are by no means either. They have huge pipe dreams of making all this money yet it never materializes. It’s often at the expense of others, quite costly as a matter of fact and never pays off. They are narcissistic, it’s all about what they want. They can’t hold down a regular job. They are judgmental of others, often make up lies about others in order to make themselves look good or victimized. I mean who doesn’t feel bad for a victim. They often destroy relationships between people with their lies. What they don’t realize is that people see right through them, and one day they will realize that. Until then, they keep playing the part hoping no one notices….

to our wonderful daughter, Ashley. Troy would be so proud of her. She’s a hard worker, treats people with kindness and has such a sweet personality. Love you Ashley, I hope your birthday is as awesome as you are…..💕

Sitting here watching the race and thinking about Troy. When we lived in Indiana he loved listening to it on the radio cause we couldn’t watch it on tv. It had to be sold out for us to watch it. When we moved to Texas he never missed watching it. We never missed Jim Nabors singing “Back Home Again In Indiana”, nobody can sing it like he did. I don’t recognize the drivers today, I remember the Andrettis, Unsers, etc. I remember the year Gordon Smiley was killed during the time trials. It definitely is “the greatest spectacle in racing”….