Jane is a Widow

where they are going to implode EDS (God pod) tomorrow. Brings back a lot of memories of when we moved here and Troy started working there. Sad to see them do that to it but I guess it’s all in the name of progress but the memories flood my mind. I remember Troy having to wear a suit and white shirt. He was glad when they changed to casual. Our life together went through so many changes and moving here was a big one. I wish he was here but he’s not so I’ll just wrap myself up in our memories…..

schnauzer friends is in the hospital in Kansas. She’s been living in her car with two dogs. A very unfortunate situation. She’s also been sick. I messaged her tonight cause I’m worried about her dogs who were taken by animal control to a shelter. Her schnauzer Hershey is older and I’m really worried about him. I wish she was still in Texas so maybe I could keep him for her while she is getting her health in order. She said her family has deserted her which is very sad. She can’t live in her car with two dogs. I’m praying everything works out. Wish I could get Hershey but he’s too far away. I’m hoping something works out…..

talking to my childhood friend of over 60 years. Hard to believe we’ve been friends that long. We have so many memories that we would never have the time to discuss them all. We spent every summer together in our little town. Every day she would call me at 11 and our daily adventures would begin. I love going to my childhood memories. They are so comforting and what a good life it was. I didn’t realize it then. Times were so good back then and people were so nice to each other not like people are now. People these days can be so mean. I miss those days…..

what you sometimes find going through old papers. I found an old check register where I wrote several checks for thousands of dollars to someone who now says I’m a bad person and they can’t be around me. I knew Troy oh so well and I know he would be furious, disappointed at how I am being treated. Unbelievable really. It hurts. If someone had been that good to me the last thing I would say about them is that they are a bad person. It’s all made up. How do they sleep at night, do they not have a conscience….

and good vibes to my friend Barb in Indiana. Her cancer has spread and they did surgery Thursday and she has to have more surgery next Friday. I hope to make a trip to Indiana this year and stop by and see her. She’s living in a nursing home, wishing you well Barb. I have such fond memories of our friendship….get well soon

parents to talk to. I could share with them the information I have about Troy. There’s really no one I can share it with except them and they aren’t here either. So I have to keep it to myself and it’s such major news it saddens me that I have to keep it to myself. Things would have been so different in our lives had we known this 40 years ago. I guess I will carry it to my grave. I’m thankful for the knowledge now but wish it had been sooner. But things don’t always go our way, they are always Gods way….miss you Troy

from what I found out yesterday. It’s really unbelievable to me. To find something out some forty years later because of medical advances. It puts a whole new spin on things. Dredged up a lot of pain. So I guess I now have answers to many questions. I know it would be painful for Troy to know but also would answer a lot of his questions. I think it was meant for me to find this out after he passed. Love you Troy…..

today something very disturbing about Troy medically. I find it quite upsetting and sad that I am unable to share this information with him since he has passed away. He would be as stunned as I am if he were alive. It explains some of his medical issues. Advancements in medical has allowed this to be known. It saddens me that this information wasn’t available to us years ago….it explains a lot. Troy I wish I could share this information with you….I finally understand.

Troy started his job at EDS. It was a big change for him. He was now wearing a suit and tie and was doing computer programming instead of making sure machines were operating correctly. When he passed things started shifting. Actually the day of his funeral was an ordeal. Things were going on that were really unnecessary. It was all a sign of things to come. It was a plan in the making and doing it after Troy passed was all in the plan. He would have been furious to see what was going on. Now that I look at the big picture, it’s all clear. It wasn’t clear then but I was in a widows fog. You like to think people are looking out for you but they aren’t always. They are looking out for themselves, they have a plan and they implement it. It’s all about them, it was never about you….