I have been in a funk the last two days. I get like this every now and then. Don’t know what causes it or how to get out of it. I just have to let things run their course. I am sure a lot of goes back to my childhood. When you have a mother who really doesn’t love you or want you, it affects everything about you. Troy made everything right. I was able to deal with all of it when he was alive. It’s coming up on our anniversary, my mother’s birthday and shortly after, the one year anniversary of her death. Maybe I will feel better after it has all passed. My life has changed so much since Troy’s death. In so many ways. I look at it and don’t even recognize it sometimes. I’ve been having nightmares lately. I need to write them down when they wake me up cause I never can remember them when I wake up in the morning. I just remember being scared. Last night I was actually hiding underneath the covers I was so scared. I didn’t dream for years after Troy died, now all of a sudden I am dreaming. Guess I will see what happens tonight…….
Jane is a Widow 