Seems like this week I have been in kind of a funk. Spring is hard because Troy loved being outside and working in the yard and planting tomatoes. After the incident with the snake happened, I again realized how alone I really am. No one to help me, and there are just some things I can’t handle. Snakes are one of those things. I find myself almost in tears every time I write here. My life has changed so much in the last four years, I have changed so much. Never did I think I would be where I am at this age. I had my dreams of retirement and me and him with each other every day. But that was not meant to be. I still hardly ever go and visit his grave. It’s just too painful. Going there is like a big slap in the face to bring me back to the reality that he is gone. Like I don’t know that already. Of course he’s gone, I get a reminder of it daily. When I wake up, when I go to bed, when I wake up in the middle of the night. I know I will always love him. I just will. He’s too much a part of me. I look at friends who spent their lives alone and I am thankful that I spent my life with someone. I am not saying it was easy but it was worth it. He made my life so much richer. I can’t even imagine never meeting him. Those were some of the last words he said to me, “we had a good life together”. So true, so very true.
Jane is a Widow 