I’ve been in such a different mood lately. I miss Troy so much some days. I went to the cemetery and put some flowers in the vase. I have been neglectful of his grave. It’s just so hard to go there. He isn’t there anyway. Some days it is all I can do to make myself get up. I know people don’t understand that. It’s like I can’t find my way. Like I’m so lost and I can’t find the right direction to go. Like I am just floating around aimlessly. He kept me grounded, I miss that. And for all those friends who have deserted me, you can’t escape death by avoiding me. I really believe that is why people cut themselves off from you. They look at you and think that will never happen in my family. But it does, it eventually comes full circle for all of us. No matter how much you want to prevent it, you can’t. It just smacks you right in the face. Shakes your whole world up and brings you to your knees. I look in the mirror now and don’t recognize myself. Where did I go? Where am I? Who am I?
Jane is a Widow 