Yesterday was Father’s Day and I just couldn’t quit thinking about Troy. It was the one job he loved the most. And it seemed like everyone had forgotten that about him. It made me so sad. I had to acknowledge him in a facebook post to remind everyone what a good father he was. If just for a second they thought of him then I’m so glad I did it. I tagged him in the post. I thought of my own father too. I miss his wisdom and advice. They are always with us. They are right there and the next minute than can be gone. In an instant. Father’s day was when Troy started becoming very ill from the pneumonia. He went into the hospital the day after and he never came home. So this week is painful for me, I just always relive all the sadness and how he looked and how he struggled to breathe. There wasn’t anything I could do to make it better for him. The tears are welling up in my eyes right now just thinking about it. It’s like a sore that the scab starts coming off on and it hurts all over again. So bad, it hurts so bad. Wish I could put a band aid on myself and make it all better. There’s no band aid for grief. It’s just there staring you in the face when you wake up in the morning, all day, and when you go to bed at night. It’s pesky. Sometimes you can’t catch your breath, and you think you’re going to suffocate. Then you just remember to breathe slow and deep until everything comes back into focus. God I miss him.
Jane is a Widow 