I’ve really been in a melancholy mood the last few days, I am really missing Troy. This time of year I always think about the vacations we took, the memories from them all jumbled together. Plus July was a month of transition for us, so many changes in the year 1995. We moved 1000 miles, I held my Dad’s hand for the last time, my brother had a heart attack and bypass surgery. Needless to say it was a crazy year, so this July I am feeling sad and the cloudy skies are not helping with my mood. The rain yesterday made me think of the first week we were living here in 1995, it was rainy that week and I was trying to clean the apartment we were in. I was learning my way around Plano, and it all seemed so foreign to me but now it’s home. I also need to remember that people come into our lives for specific reasons and they don’t always stay. Some stay longer than others, some leave to never return. There are some things that we cannot change no matter how hard we try, we just have to let it go. I know there are things happening right now that Troy would be sad about, but I can’t change them. If he were still here, things would be very different. But he’s not, and I know he would be thankful for Mel helping me with the house. He treats me right and never asks for anything in return. People don’t realize how hard it is losing someone and then having to do everything yourself. It’s nice when someone offers to help with no ulterior motives. I feel pretty much deserted. I could not do it all alone, its too large a task for a women my age. After Troy died, I slowly watched people drop off from my radar. And POOF! They were gone. Until you have walked in someone else’s shoes, reserve judgment. And I do believe in Karma, I believe that however you treat people will surely come back to you. Life is too short to be mad and bitter at people especially if they are different. Who says that you are more important than the next guy. You get back what you give to others. Cause once they are gone, that’s it. No going back to make things right. If someone doesn’t want to be around me when I’m alive, then don’t be coming around after I’m gone. Just try loving people for who they are and accepting them.
Jane is a Widow 