Jane is a Widow

To Troy’s death anniversary. It’s a painful time for me, changes every year. Grief for the loss of a spouse is ever changing. The pain is still there. I think back to the many changes during our marriage and how we made it through all the pain together. Now I’m on my own. It’s so hard…..

was yesterday and there were three men in my family who deserved to be acknowledged for being a great father. Troy was an exceptional father, always putting his children first. My father was known to be a hard worker who spent his early years in the Army after being drafted. The stories he used to tell me were so unbelievable, it helped me to understand him. Troy’s Dad was also an exceptional father, he had a horrible childhood yet he was so good to Troy. The story I was told was that his father died and when his mother remarried she was told she could only keep the youngest child, so John and his older sister Dorothy were sent to live with relatives. John said he was sent from family to family. He held very deep resentment for this. He was a gruff man but he was so giving. I loved all three of them in different ways. I miss all three of them, they all made a difference in my life. We should always be thankful for those in our life that helped shape us into who were are today. Thank you all for being a part of my life…..

was my Bridesmaid when I got married. We were such good friends, always hanging out together. She was such a good friend. She’s in my prayers now because she is dealing with cancer. I am so sorry that she has to deal with such an awful disease. I hope that one of these days I will get to see her. We haven’t seen each other since April 24, 1976. She was always there for me. She was a good friend to Troy too. I’m praying you get well Barbara……

When we moved to Texas in 1995, I started a new job in 1996 analyzing television commercials. It was unlike any job I had before. I met Lori when I started working there and we became friends. We had lunch together often, our favorite being the potato soup at Cheddars. The man we worked for was something else to say the least, lol. Hope to never meet anyone like him again. Lori ended up quitting there, getting married and moving to Australia. I kept working from home for the company till 2016, two years after Troy passed. Lori just returned for a visit after leaving Texas 17 years ago. We were going to try and do lunch, our special potato soup but an emergency on my end prevented it. She told me she will be back soon and hopefully we can get together then. I have so many great memories of working with her and nightmare ones too, haha. Safe travels home Lori, love you……

finding your way after losing your spouse. It’s like you’re outside looking in. Where did my life go, I don’t recognize it anymore. How can I go on? How can I find my way. Looking to God is a good way to start. He will walk beside you showing you the way. Don’t give up, show up every day and don’t get discouraged. It’s so hard, the hardest thing I’ve ever done but I’m still here by the grace of God. Family has turned on me but it hasn’t stopped me. Don’t ever let them stop you from moving forward in an effort to be happy. It’s unfortunate that they want to deny you happiness after the loss you have suffered. Just keep plugging along….you will get there.

awesome and beautiful daughter, Ashley. I wish Troy was here to help us celebrate. I’m so proud of the woman she has become and I know he would be too. She’s considerate and kind. I hope she has a wonderful day. It’s hard to believe that she is 38, I remember when she was a baby. Thank you God for putting Ashley in our lives…..

neighbor yesterday and we were discussing how long we had lived next to each other. Ashley was 8 when we moved to Texas from Indiana. Tomorrow she will be 38, I’ve lived in our house for 30 years. Unfortunately Troy wasn’t afforded the same opportunity. I’m going to work real hard this year at getting myself in a position to move to the Hill country. That’s where I want to be. I’m praying that I get there. So much has changed in those 30 years, some good, some bad. Troy wouldn’t recognize it now. I wish he were here but he’s not and I can’t change that. I have 38 years of memories with him and I’ll never run out. Yesterday another student from Shenandoah passed away. We were never friends at school but became friends on facebook. I was really impressed with all the baking she did and I knew she had some health problems. Her daughter passed from cancer a few years ago, and she started an organization that made cozy chemo comforters in memory of her. She will be missed especially by her family. RIP Dianne, godspeed…..