Jane is a Widow

My last surviving uncle turned 97 on October 30. His family always lived in Remington, Indiana. At one time they had a restaurant there. When I was in grade school we visited them on weekends and they sometimes came to our house. When I was in second grade, their youngest daughter who was a year younger than me died. Her name was Cindy. I remember her funeral so vividly. She was so beautiful. It’s strange how certain moments in our life are forever ingrained in our mind. I remember her funeral like it was yesterday. I always had fun when we visited with them. Families don’t do that anymore. We are all spread out and distant.

Today marks the 7th year since Sadie passed. I miss her every day. Sadie and I had a special connection. I remember the day Troy bought her for me. She was a little black bundle of joy. A real spitfire. And I loved her dearly. After Troy passed, I didn’t want to get out of bed in the morning but Sadie forced me. She barked until I got up. She kept me going. She was a gift from God. The day I had to put her down I was all alone. I asked a family member to go with me but they said no their friend was coming over. That was one of many subtle hints on what was to come. I hugged her tight as she looked up at me. She was telling me it was time for her to go. I’ll always love you Sadie and be thankful for the 13 years you were in my life.

Hard to believe that ten years has passed since Troy was diagnosed with stage 4 esophageal cancer. I can still remember that day like it was yesterday. What a nightmare, I kept thinking I would wake up one morning and find it to all be just a horrible nightmare. I can remember the most intricate things of that day, from the time I got up in the morning till I laid my head at night to sleep. The saying is so true, that your life can change in a minute. Ours was never to be the same after that day. All of our retirement dreams, everything gone in the blink of an eye. My mother always said you really can’t plan anything and that sure is the truth. So much has happened since that day, Troy would not believe how things are now, he would for sure not be happy. I have so many memories of our life together, I reflect on them often. They give me peace. There are so many memories that it would take a lifetime to remember them all. We went through a lot together, but we never let it break us apart. We just kept plugging along. I miss him today just as much as I did when he passed, my grief has changed. I’ve changed.

On this day in 2009 I received confirmation that my father, William Worley, was listed in the Roll of Honor at the National Purple Heart Hall of Honor for his wounds received in WWII. I miss hearing his stories of his time spent during the war. We did not realize all that he went through at such a young age. I know it changed him forever, how could it not. I think that’s what made him so gruff. He gave so much for his country. And when he returned home his country was not really there for him. I have his medals now. I helped him get them all when I lived in Muncie. During the war he would send the medals home as he received them. His mother was supposed to be saving them for him. When he got home, they were nowhere to be found. He said someone had stolen them. So one day I took him to the courthouse and got them all replaced for him. He always said they were mine after he passed. I’m so thankful he shared that part of his life with me. I’m sure it was painful to reminisce about his war time. But in sharing with me, it brought us closer together. Thank you Dad. Love you, miss you.

This was our last vacation together. He would be gone in a mere 9 months. It’s hard to believe that one minute we were enjoying the beach and in a matter of weeks he was fighting for his life. I remember him standing in the kitchen hugging me saying “it is what it is”. Hug your loved ones often and tell them how much you love them. No one is promised tomorrow.

Thinking about Troy today and remembering how he liked fall. Troy and I were very different in many ways. But neither of us tried to change the other. We both treated our in laws with respect and love. That’s not always the case, in fact I’ve seen people change others into the kind of person they want them to be. They lose their individuality and become a clone of their partner. They do what the partner says, believes what the partner says and does and in the process lose their identity. Thanks but no thanks.

Just found out that a friend passed last night in his sleep. I became friends with him last year. He moved his family here from California. He’s the one who convinced me to change cardiologists. I took his advice and am so glad I did. Even though I didn’t know him well, I considered him my friend. Godspeed Bruce and prayers for your family.

Yesterday we were all reminded of the horror of September 11, 2001. I remember so clearly that day. I was working from home for Terry and Troy called me. When I answered the phone, he told me to turn on the television cause the United States was under attack. I couldn’t believe my eyes. We were all glued to the television for days. It was so hard to watch. I felt so bad for all those directly being affected. That day was definitely a defining day in our country’s history. I’m so sorry for all of those who suffered a direct loss and for our country who would never be the same. God Bless the USA.