Jane is a Widow

I’m very sad, Melvin and I had to help Lucy cross Rainbow Bridge on December 11. We tried meds to alleviate her condition but it just wasn’t meant to be. She’s with Sadie now. She was such a good dog, she was right by Troy’s side during his illness fight and was there for me after he passed. I am forever grateful to her and Sadie. They kept me going. I remember the day Troy drove us to Richardson to see Lucy. Ashley went with us, when we got there Lucy hid under the dining room table. I fell in love with her the moment I saw her. She will forever be in my heart. I hope they both found Troy. I’m so thankful Melvin was there for me, no one was there for me when Sadie passed. But that’s family for you. Sad but true. Love you forever my Lucy Goosy. 💔

It’s been a rough couple of weeks with Lucy. She is suffering from arthritis and now urinary tract inflammation. She was Troy’s best friend, she sat with him in his chair all the time during his illness. After he passed, I would find her sitting on the floor in front of his chair. When I brought all the flowers home from the funeral I found her sitting in the midst of them. She was such a comfort to him. He was her favorite human. She turned 14 back in August and I’m just making sure she is doing ok and coping with everything. She’s been on pain meds for the arthritis because she was having trouble walking on one of her hind legs. I can now say that she is putting weight on it and doing good. I know she won’t be around forever but I’m doing what I can to keep her in my life. She was the last puppy Troy got for me, I remember going to get her. Ashley went with us, I asked Ashley if she remembers going to get her and she does. My first schnauzer Scooter, he bought for me on my birthday in 1996. Then came Sadie, and then Lucy. I’m trying to hang onto a piece of our life together, pieces keep slipping through my fingers.

Every Thanksgiving I think of my deceased father in law. This year his birthday is on Thanksgiving. Every year it was either on Thanksgiving or close, so he always comes to mind on Thanksgiving. The year he passed was a few days after Thanksgiving. I remember telling him how much I loved him. I wanted him to know how much he meant to me. He treated me just like I was his daughter. He was a gruff man but would give you the shirt off his back. I’m looking forward to spending the day with our daughter. I’m so thankful for her and her husband. Thanksgiving is all about giving thanks for our family. Troy will be there in spirit. Happy Thanksgiving. 🦃🍁

Woke up thinking about past Thanksgivings. After the loss of Troy my sleep has never been the same. Our Indiana Thanksgivings were wonderful get togethers with both sides of the family. Any differences such as politics or religion were left at the door. It was just so wonderful to share all the good food and fellowship together. That’s what Thanksgiving is all about. I hate when people try to hijack the holidays and make them into something they aren’t. I’m so thankful for all those wonderful memories. All those who shared the holidays with me and Troy enriched our lives. I can still hear someone say please pass the turkey. I miss Troy, my parents, his parents, my aunt Beulah. Their presence in our lives made all the difference. Thanksgiving will never be the same.

Was a month of events not to be forgotten. Troy finally came home from the hospital after the doctor perforated his esophagus. The oncologist insisted he would be eating by Thanksgiving. They had inserted his feeding tube in his stomach. He would never be able to swallow food again. On this day that November I heard a loud thud when I was downstairs. I ran upstairs to find him lying on the floor and he couldn’t get up. I had to call an ambulance and they took him to the hospital. He was dehydrated and bleeding internally. The hospital decided they would keep him. They finally released him after insisting he stay till they resolved issues. I wanted him to have his regular oncologist. They finally agreed. Later that month he would start a fire and the chimney caught on fire. I was just sure the house would burn down but he managed to put it out. It was just one thing after another. I miss him every day, so does Ashley. I’m thankful for the time we had together. I’ll always miss him.

My last surviving uncle turned 97 on October 30. His family always lived in Remington, Indiana. At one time they had a restaurant there. When I was in grade school we visited them on weekends and they sometimes came to our house. When I was in second grade, their youngest daughter who was a year younger than me died. Her name was Cindy. I remember her funeral so vividly. She was so beautiful. It’s strange how certain moments in our life are forever ingrained in our mind. I remember her funeral like it was yesterday. I always had fun when we visited with them. Families don’t do that anymore. We are all spread out and distant.

Today marks the 7th year since Sadie passed. I miss her every day. Sadie and I had a special connection. I remember the day Troy bought her for me. She was a little black bundle of joy. A real spitfire. And I loved her dearly. After Troy passed, I didn’t want to get out of bed in the morning but Sadie forced me. She barked until I got up. She kept me going. She was a gift from God. The day I had to put her down I was all alone. I asked a family member to go with me but they said no their friend was coming over. That was one of many subtle hints on what was to come. I hugged her tight as she looked up at me. She was telling me it was time for her to go. I’ll always love you Sadie and be thankful for the 13 years you were in my life.

Hard to believe that ten years has passed since Troy was diagnosed with stage 4 esophageal cancer. I can still remember that day like it was yesterday. What a nightmare, I kept thinking I would wake up one morning and find it to all be just a horrible nightmare. I can remember the most intricate things of that day, from the time I got up in the morning till I laid my head at night to sleep. The saying is so true, that your life can change in a minute. Ours was never to be the same after that day. All of our retirement dreams, everything gone in the blink of an eye. My mother always said you really can’t plan anything and that sure is the truth. So much has happened since that day, Troy would not believe how things are now, he would for sure not be happy. I have so many memories of our life together, I reflect on them often. They give me peace. There are so many memories that it would take a lifetime to remember them all. We went through a lot together, but we never let it break us apart. We just kept plugging along. I miss him today just as much as I did when he passed, my grief has changed. I’ve changed.

On this day in 2009 I received confirmation that my father, William Worley, was listed in the Roll of Honor at the National Purple Heart Hall of Honor for his wounds received in WWII. I miss hearing his stories of his time spent during the war. We did not realize all that he went through at such a young age. I know it changed him forever, how could it not. I think that’s what made him so gruff. He gave so much for his country. And when he returned home his country was not really there for him. I have his medals now. I helped him get them all when I lived in Muncie. During the war he would send the medals home as he received them. His mother was supposed to be saving them for him. When he got home, they were nowhere to be found. He said someone had stolen them. So one day I took him to the courthouse and got them all replaced for him. He always said they were mine after he passed. I’m so thankful he shared that part of his life with me. I’m sure it was painful to reminisce about his war time. But in sharing with me, it brought us closer together. Thank you Dad. Love you, miss you.