Jane is a Widow

Melvin and I went out for dinner with my brother and his wife. We spent the evening enjoying wine and food and lots of memories. Robert told some stories I didn’t even remember. It was fun reminiscing. I have so many memories that give me comfort when needed. I wouldn’t trade them for anything. They are not all perfect but they are mine. Sometimes we laughed so hard at some of them. It was a great evening, we plan on doing it again. We will reminisce again and our hearts will be full of the happy and sometimes sad times. But I wouldn’t trade them for anything. They are mine. They are there whenever I need them.

Feeling very emotional today, it’s the one year anniversary of my heart attack and ambulance ride. Feeling so grateful that God saw me through to live another day. My health is not what it was but I pray every day for healing. With God anything is possible. I’m so thankful for Melvin, don’t know what I would do without him. He does so many of the things around the house that I’m unable to do. Troy would be grateful to him. That was the biggest concern of Troy’s, that I have someone to count on for help. Thank you God. 💕

I’m looking to make changes that will honor my wishes if I should pass. There have been changes since Troy passed and I need to make sure that those changes are reflected. I can’t believe how much things have changed but they have. It’s like my life has been a roller coaster of changes since he died. Sometimes I want to say, please let me off. But we can’t stop those changes. I’ve learned that I can’t always trust people that I counted on. Sometimes we get thrown to the curb. All we can do is get up and keep plugging along. And from those experiences learn. Troy and I always did our best to be good people, we treated people right and we sacrificed a lot so our children had what they needed. And everyone that knows me, knows that is the truth. No matter what someone else may say. Shame on anyone who says differently. You don’t know what you’re talking about.

January 19, 1923 was my Dads birthday. He passed in July 1995. It would be an understatement to say I miss him. Growing up my Dad kept to himself. He was a man of few words but later in life he shared so much with me. His experience in WWII was shocking to say the least. He was so young but he became a man real fast. I loved hearing his stories of his days in the army. I came to understand him. He mentioned how they made them walk over dead bodies daily in an effort to help them deal with death. He told me of walking behind an army truck full of men and watching it blow up before his very eyes. He told me of being wounded by shrapnel and how two fellow soldiers carried him to safety. He was a machine gunner and mortar man. On the front lines. He prayed a lot, I have his worn out Bible. I have so much admiration for him, it’s people like him that we have to thank for our freedom. My Dad sacrificed so much so that you can have your freedoms. And he never asked for anything when he came home and this country let veterans like him down. We should all thank every veteran we see for making sure we stay free cause they all made the ultimate sacrifice. Yet there are so many ungrateful people. I know several personally. I miss you Dad. Love you forever! Thank you for helping to make me the person I am today.

Well I’m into the second week of the new year, and I’m hoping my heart health improves when I meet my new cardiologist. I’m praying this year will be a year of nice things. I will no longer allow anyone to make up lies about me. If you are a dishonest person, don’t worry you won’t be in my life. I have no time for you, your hatred or your lies. Your loss not mine. I’m sure Troy would agree. I’ve always been kind to others and honest. I expect the same to me. Hard to believe that I’m starting year 28 here. I was thinking about the year I turned 40. We moved here in 1995 and that was a year of big changes for us. We moved cross country after living in Indiana our whole lives. I remember my father seemed frail right before we moved. Unfortunately within the month he had a stroke, a very bad one. He held on till me and Robert got up there. I remember tears streaming down his face, I knew he wanted the ventilator off. I told him I loved him. They removed the ventilator and he passed the next day. What a year! One I’ll never forget for sure. There are certain times in our lives that leave a big dent, one you’ll never forget and changed you in some way. But we just keep plugging along. On to the next one.

A nice get together with our fellow widows. Saw some new faces and shared with everyone. Sharing helps to keep moving me forward. We all move at our own pace but sharing allows us to grow and maybe help someone else on their journey. Unfortunately we are all in this group that no one wants to join. Consider yourself blessed if you aren’t in this group.

I’m hoping this year will be a year full of blessings and love. I hope my health improves and I’m hoping to make some very important decisions this year that will hopefully point me in the direction I wish to go.