Jane is a Widow

The holidays are creeping up, I often think of the holidays when I was a child. Things have changed so drastically. Christmas has become way too commercial, it’s seeing how many presents one can buy. Our Christmas growing up was quite different from my friends. My mother was from Germany and she wanted the holidays to be like they were for her. We got very few gifts, money was very tight. My father worked very hard to take care of us. I really miss him. I can still see him sitting on the couch every morning smoking a cigarette and scratching his head. He never said a word. He got ready for work, ate his breakfast and we usually didn’t see him till late at night. Like I said, he was a hard worker.

Talking with my brother stirred up memories of growing up in Middletown. Lots of wonderful Christmas memories of walking in the snow downtown and listening to Christmas carols coming from Bickhams 5&10 store. We always stopped on the way home and made snow angels in everyone’s yard. I love the lights that lit up all of Locust street. They still have those lights burning after all those years. We sometimes walked the streets and sang Christmas carols. Growing up in a small town was awesome. It was all for one and one for all. I’ll always treasure those memories, they are priceless. 🎄⛄️

We enjoyed a wonderful evening with my brother and his wife. We had a lot to catch up on, they were shocked at the drama occurring in my immediate family. My niece is coming here for the holidays and we are all going to get together. I haven’t seen her since Troy passed. I’m looking forward to it. This reminded me that life is way to short to be estranged from family. Family is way too important.

Another Christmas memory popped into my mind today. I saw a SUV with a tree strapped on top. Made me think of how every year we would get the kids and go look for our Christmas tree. Usually it would be cold and snowing, just perfect for Christmas tree shopping. Another priceless memory. 🎄

Looking forward to my meeting this week with family to discuss things concerning my future….today I was thinking Troy is probably turning over in his grave.

My blog yesterday was about some funny memories of me and Troy. After he passed I didn’t think I would ever get to the day where memories would make me smile instead of cry. Grief is an ever changing journey. Some days some memories knock the wind out of me and other days they make me smile. And the amount of memories is infinite. I can grab a memory from 42 years and never run out. I’m so thankful I have them. They aren’t all good but that’s ok. They are our life together, through thick and thin. It wasn’t always easy but it was worth it. I wouldn’t trade them for anything. 💕

I went Christmas shopping yesterday and I chuckled to myself as I trekked through the stores. I was thinking of a few of the times I went Christmas shopping with Troy. He was notorious for waiting till the last minute. He said he loved smiling his way through all the grumpy people. One Christmas when I went shopping with him, we walked into the store and the sales lady asked does he always smile like this. I said he certainly does, he got it from his mother. Their personalities were so close. Another time we were walking through the Muncie Mall, he was smiling ear to ear. A woman coming towards us stopped right in front of Troy, turned around, and farted. She abruptly turned back around and was on her way. He just laughed and laughed. I’ve told this story so many times over the years, I thought it only fair to share it with you all.