Jane is a Widow

Well I’m into the second week of the new year, and I’m hoping my heart health improves when I meet my new cardiologist. I’m praying this year will be a year of nice things. I will no longer allow anyone to make up lies about me. If you are a dishonest person, don’t worry you won’t be in my life. I have no time for you, your hatred or your lies. Your loss not mine. I’m sure Troy would agree. I’ve always been kind to others and honest. I expect the same to me. Hard to believe that I’m starting year 28 here. I was thinking about the year I turned 40. We moved here in 1995 and that was a year of big changes for us. We moved cross country after living in Indiana our whole lives. I remember my father seemed frail right before we moved. Unfortunately within the month he had a stroke, a very bad one. He held on till me and Robert got up there. I remember tears streaming down his face, I knew he wanted the ventilator off. I told him I loved him. They removed the ventilator and he passed the next day. What a year! One I’ll never forget for sure. There are certain times in our lives that leave a big dent, one you’ll never forget and changed you in some way. But we just keep plugging along. On to the next one.

A nice get together with our fellow widows. Saw some new faces and shared with everyone. Sharing helps to keep moving me forward. We all move at our own pace but sharing allows us to grow and maybe help someone else on their journey. Unfortunately we are all in this group that no one wants to join. Consider yourself blessed if you aren’t in this group.

I’m hoping this year will be a year full of blessings and love. I hope my health improves and I’m hoping to make some very important decisions this year that will hopefully point me in the direction I wish to go.

Hard to believe another year has almost came to an end. Still hard to believe Troy has been gone 8 years but I have so many memories of our life to last me a lifetime. I used to cry when I remembered one but now I sometimes find comfort, laughter or a multitude of emotions. Like I said grief is ever changing. Thank you God for getting me through it.

Had a wonderful Christmas dinner with Ashley, John and Melvin. I told Ashley that I was sure her Dad was there in spirit. We had some laughs of Christmas pasts and made some new memories. Today would have to go down in my book as a wonderful day. Merry Christmas everyone. Hope your day was as enjoyable as mine. 💕

I was sitting here thinking of Christmas Eves past. Troy’s mother would always spend the night with us when the children were little. So many wonderful memories tucked away. My how things have changed. The holidays are very different after you lose your spouse. They look different, feel different because they are forever changed. But I’m thankful that I can pull a memory out whenever I need some comfort. When we are children we think our lives will always be the same, but there’s so many changes we go through over the years. We lose our loved ones along the way, and when we do we go through many changes. Some are very painful. Tomorrow we will go to our daughters home for Christmas. Troy won’t be there in person but he will be in spirit. I’m thankful for Melvin to now share all those important days with. Troy would be very happy that we are spending his favorite holiday with family. Thank you God.