Jane is a Widow

Just found out that Troy’s cousin Sue passed away. I had kept in touch with her after Troy’s death but recently I hadn’t heard from her. Her and Troy were close. They graduated the same year. I remember her grandmother working at Maddys Department store when I was a kid. She was such a nice woman and so was her mother who worked at the bank in Middletown. We saw Sue at the last reunion we went to. She was quite the character. She was always laughing and cutting up. Sue, please tell Troy hi from me. At this time in 2013, we were still in what I would call the normal zone. Like I said it was about to make a major change.

The days leading up to the 16th of October were ordinary. Troy was binge watching Breaking Bad and of course I was trying to catch up on my computer job I did at home. I was always working, 7 days a week and most holidays. This was so everyone could have and do all the things they wanted. I look back now and see really how selfish they all were. As long as they got what they wanted everything was ok, but no one ever ask me what I wanted. I didn’t want to work all the time. There were things I wanted too. I guess I let myself get off message here. As I was saying, things seemed ordinary but in a few days nothing would be ordinary, they would be anything but.

When I think of all that transpired in October of 2013, it seems like yesterday. It’s still so fresh in my mind. All the little details are still there. It hasn’t faded from my memory at all. Perhaps it never will, after all it was such a significant event in my life. Forever changed my course, my direction. What seemed to be nice and neat was about to be scattered everywhere. I couldn’t stop it even though I wanted too. I had to let the pieces fall where they may. And then slowly try to piece everything back together. Some pieces no longer fit even though I tried to jam them back together. Nothing made since anymore, where was this going. There were some pieces I couldn’t even find.

October of 2013 was the beginning of our nightmare. We went to Florida that September, I had been asking Troy where he wanted to go on vacation. I mentioned Las Vegas cause we always liked going there, but he chose Florida. He was really struggling with keeping food down and said he wanted to go see the ocean again. I think he knew how sick he was. He had a doctor appointment when we got home and they said the test results looked okay, the next step was to look into his stomach with an endoscope. Of course I had no idea that would be our last vacation together, like I said the beginning of our nightmare.

Had dinner yesterday with our tribe. It’s nice getting together with others that you can share what you are dealing with. Maybe I should pass a handout out at our next dinner, lol. Get their opinion on it.

I’m getting ready to start downsizing so that when it’s time to move I will already have accomplished that. I’m getting ready to part with quilts. I’ve already given Ashley the last quilt her Grandma Price made. It was such a beautiful wedding ring quilt all done by hand. She taught me how to quilt by hand. I will check with Ashley to see if there are any other ones she wants before I part with them. I would like to get back to quilting and finish the one my Aunt Beulah pieced and I was going to do the quilting on it. I miss quilting. I used to do it every morning for a couple of hours after the kids left for school. I have so much stuff to get rid of such as tools and ladders, etc.

If you are recently widowed (if so you have my deepest condolences for having to join the club no one wants to), I want to caution you to be careful of those who seem to be there for you. During the fog we sometimes put our trust in those who will eventually deceive us. Not everyone including family is looking out for you, they sometimes turn on you after they have achieved their ultimate goal. After they have gotten from you what they wanted. Please be careful…..