widowed individuals. It’s been 11 years for me since my husband left this earth. I have learned a lot in those 11 years and I wish I had known then what I know now. You are so vulnerable and welcome any help you receive after losing your spouse. You’re actually in a fog, especially the first year. The second year is more painful because you are no longer in the fog. During those years following his death I let myself be used and then tossed out like trash. Troy would be furious about it. I always thought I could trust family but the events that followed in the years after Troy’s death taught me that you can’t even trust family. After they get what they want from you they make up lies and throw you to the curb. They care nothing about you, they only care what they can get from you. They can be so evil, hard to believe really but it happens. So protect yourself from this happening or you will be hurt. Keep your guard up and watch for signs. I saw the signs but ignored them because I thought everything was ok but it wasn’t. They waited for the perfect time and threw me to the curb. But you can survive, if it happens to you don’t let it affect you in a way that will forever change you. You’re still that person your spouse fell in love with and they will always be watching over you. Just be careful who you trust, especially family. They aren’t always looking out for your best interest, they are looking out for themselves unfortunately. I have actually had conversations with others who have had this same thing happen to them. Life is full of lessons, some of them are painful. Even more painful when it’s your family, the very people that are supposed to be there for you….
Tag: writing
Love this….
This was written by Teodynar Rember, and it’s called The Art of Letting Go.
I have arrived at a threshold, and I step over it without looking back.
I do not ask for too much anymore-not because I have given up, but because I have grown. If you choose to leave, I will not block the door. If removing me from your life brings you peace, then go ahead-drag me to the edge of your story and press delete.
I will not chase, I will not plead. Love, when it is real, does not require pursuit. Effort, when it is mutual, does not leave one person breathless while the other barely lifts a hand.
There was a time when I made myself smaller, softer, easier to swallow-when I folded myself into the shape of what others needed, hoping they would see me, choose me, stay. But I have outgrown that version of myself, the one who begged to be held. I am done pouring from an empty cup, done holding out my heart like an offering to those who never meant to cherish it.
This is not bitterness. It is clarity. It is knowing that love is not something you should have to convince someone to give. It is understanding that real friendship does not hinge on apologies that only one person ever makes. It is realizing that you can miss someone and still let them go.
So I do.
I let go of the hands that do not reach back. I release the weight of one-sided devotion. I stop explaining myself to those who were never listening in the first place.
Instead, I turn toward the ones who stay. The ones who see me in my fullness and never ask me to shrink. The ones who do not keep score because love-real love-does not require tally marks.
So take my advice: Guard your energy. Protect your heart. Stand tall in the knowledge that you are worthy of effort, of reciprocity, of love that does not ask you to prove yourself first.
Your circle matters. Let it be filled with people who would never dream of leaving you behind.
Jane is a Widow 