Author: janep38

Day is today. Please be understanding and kind to a widow. Unless you’ve been through it, you have no idea what it entails. There’s nothing like it, the pain after losing someone you built your life with. Your life is never the same. You have to find a way to move forward without your spouse. Be careful who you trust cause not everyone is in your corner….

50th Anniversary Troy. Wish you were here to enjoy it with me. I remember this day so well 50 years ago. Happiest day of my life. 50 years of memories to keep me company. Save me a seat until we meet again. ❤️

dinner was 50 years ago today. It was at Red Lobster, one of my father-in-laws favorite places to eat. We always went there for his birthday. He loved seafood. I had to leave work early because I started sneezing that morning and I couldn’t stop. I’m sure it was nerves. We had a great time at Red Lobster and I was so looking forward to the next day…..❤️

unable to find my friend Risa. Her Dad bought her a car when we started driving and she drove us everywhere. She took me to Laurel when Troy lived there with Dan Drysdale. We went there almost every weekend. He lived in an old farm house on a hill. It would take us about an hour to get there and it was out in the middle of nowhere. A fellow classmate told me that Risa passed away. I have been unable to locate her obituary. The last time I saw her was when I went to one of my high school reunions. We had some good times together. She got pregnant and married and we lost touch with each other. She’s an important part of my memories…..

it was. Getting everything ready for our wedding. Almost half way there. I originally had a June date but changed it to April. He took me shopping in December to pick out an engagement ring. April was rolling around fast. I couldn’t wait…..

where we lived right before we got married. Troy was working in Kokomo and I was working in Muncie. Fairmount was smack dab in the middle. We lived in a mobile home park right down the street from where James Dean was buried. That was his home town and the town had James Dean days every year. It was a nice little town that would get us to the next town where we lived…..

a lot right now. Maybe it’s because it’s the month we got married in. The grief comes in waves, sometimes calm and other times like a rip current trying to pull me under. We always went to church on Easter, I really miss that. This year I have been ultra sensitive about him being gone…almost overcome with sadness….

the person who completed your life, you have no idea how your insides are torn apart. The pain of losing them, how do you go on without them? I remember my Mother telling me how after my Father died she spent every day sitting on the couch. She couldn’t function, only after I lost Troy did I understand what she meant, what she was going through. That horrible pain that wouldn’t go away. Asking yourself how do I go on without them. We were supposed to be together forever, how did this happen, why did it happen? God sees us through, helps us find our way and puts people in our lives to help us move forward. We are never the same, forever changed. How can you go through something so traumatic and not be changed. Something that was part of your life is forever gone. Their touch, smell, everything about them gone. I often reflect on the millions of memories I have of our life together. Some good, some bad but they made me who I am today. I’m so thankful for the time we had together…..I’ll always love you Troy. 💕

brings back lots of memories of when I was a kid and attended sunrise service every Easter. One Easter I got a duck and some little colored chicks. We always had chickens when I was growing up. I would go collect the eggs every morning in the chicken coop. Then Troy and I always filled plastic eggs and hid them in the yard and it was so much fun watching the kids hunt for them. One year we got them a bunny. Makes for lots of good memories. Wish Troy was here to share them with me…..