Author: janep38

I'm a widow whose trying to find my way through my grief......one day and one breath at a time.....

widow sadness….

I lost a friend lost week, I used to work with him. He was married and had several children. I feel for his widow, I can feel her pain and sorrow. It is such a hard road to travel and we have to do it alone cause no one can understand the pain unless they have been through it. I’ve watched my life change so much over the last ten years, some good and some bad. I’m glad I found Melvin, he’s been right there for me all along. If he hadn’t been there when I had my heart attack, I may not be here typing this right now. Troy would be thankful that he is looking out for me. I hope Patty finds help along her journey through grief. It is an everchanging experience. Hope she doesn’t find herself deserted by those she really needs. That happened to me. That was important to Troy, that I have those around me for support. But I found out that you can’t always count on family, even family that you supported the whole time they were growing up. They let others convince them that you are somehow evil and don’t deserve their support. We all have times in our life where we need support and its a good feeling to be able to be that support for others. What goes around definitely comes around. So while we are on this earth, try to show love and support for one another. It’s just that easy……

Love this….

This was written by Teodynar Rember, and it’s called The Art of Letting Go.

I have arrived at a threshold, and I step over it without looking back.

I do not ask for too much anymore-not because I have given up, but because I have grown. If you choose to leave, I will not block the door. If removing me from your life brings you peace, then go ahead-drag me to the edge of your story and press delete.

I will not chase, I will not plead. Love, when it is real, does not require pursuit. Effort, when it is mutual, does not leave one person breathless while the other barely lifts a hand.

There was a time when I made myself smaller, softer, easier to swallow-when I folded myself into the shape of what others needed, hoping they would see me, choose me, stay. But I have outgrown that version of myself, the one who begged to be held. I am done pouring from an empty cup, done holding out my heart like an offering to those who never meant to cherish it.

This is not bitterness. It is clarity. It is knowing that love is not something you should have to convince someone to give. It is understanding that real friendship does not hinge on apologies that only one person ever makes. It is realizing that you can miss someone and still let them go.

So I do.

I let go of the hands that do not reach back. I release the weight of one-sided devotion. I stop explaining myself to those who were never listening in the first place.

Instead, I turn toward the ones who stay. The ones who see me in my fullness and never ask me to shrink. The ones who do not keep score because love-real love-does not require tally marks.

So take my advice: Guard your energy. Protect your heart. Stand tall in the knowledge that you are worthy of effort, of reciprocity, of love that does not ask you to prove yourself first.

Your circle matters. Let it be filled with people who would never dream of leaving you behind.

Birthday….

Hard to believe I’m another year older. Our daughter Ashley sent me some nice treats for my special day. Troy would be so proud of her. She treats me so good. Our son and his wife have nothing to do with me. That’s ok, in the end it will hurt them not me. We all have to suffer the consequences of our behavior and actions. I had a great husband and we raised a daughter who treats others the way she wants to be treated. Hard to believe he’s been gone almost eleven years. A lot has changed in those years. A lot that he wouldn’t be happy about. But I just saw another birthday without him. Miss you Troy.

How you treat others….

While they are alive says a lot about you as a person. I’m going to make some big changes that will affect people after I’m gone. If you want nothing to do with me when I’m alive then don’t expect me to think of you after I’m gone. We should always treat others the way we want to be treated., it’s part of our legacy. Be nice to people, quit acting like you are a better person than others. Be kind, say kind things, do kind things.

Happy Heavenly Birthday….

Dad, I miss you. I miss your advice and your many stories of your time being on the front lines of the army. Your time as a machine gunner and mortar man. I have such admiration for what you contributed. You gave so much and in return received so little. You were always such a hard worker. I like to think that I took after you. I’m a lot like you. Thanks for teaching me. I’ll always love you and miss you. There have been countless times I have needed your advice….

Another year….

has passed since Troy last celebrated the holidays with us. Hard to believe he’s been gone 10 years. Sometimes it seems just like yesterday. I took some of Ashley’s sports memorabilia to her. It was nice watching her look at all the articles that Troy had laminated for her. She made a lot of news in the papers when she was in high school. It brought back lots of memories for her. I’m glad he did that for her. It was priceless watching her look at the articles and see all her old team shirts. It would have made him so happy to see her enjoy it all. He wasn’t there in person but he was in spirit. He was always thinking of what he could do for somewhere else…..