Author: janep38

Financial advisor. Got things situated the way I wanted them. I’m feeling good about how I’m getting things in order. I had lunch with a neighbor and she was shocked when she heard what is going on in my family. She found it hard to believe that my child refuses to stand up for me. I guess that’s what happens when a person has no backbone and can’t stand up for their mother. Pretty sad I say. They let other people dictate what they can and can’t do. What a life that would be. Only being able to do what your spouse says you can do. Stand up for yourself, do what’s right not what someone tells you to do. Grow a backbone……

Today would have been our 49th wedding anniversary but unfortunately it was interrupted in 2014. I’ve been gathering a lot of my memories from that day. All those years together have left me with tons of memories, I’ll never run out. There are some decisions I wish we hadn’t made, decisions that have left me hurt. I spent so much of my adult life trying to make everyone else happy, never thinking about myself. Working two jobs so others got what they wanted, never caring if I got what I wanted. And it didn’t pay off, I ended up being the one on the short end of the stick. Some people can be so cold and heartless, but it will all come back to them. I imagine sometimes what our life would be like if he was still alive, but it will never happen. Happy Heavenly 49th Anniversary Troy, miss you and love you.

It is getting close to what would have been our 49th anniversary. Hard to believe it was that many years ago. I was remembering the night we became engaged. My mother wasn’t happy for me just critical. Through our 38 years together we sacrificed a lot. I worked two jobs and Troy worked his butt off programming. We missed out on a lot so that others wishes could come true. I wish I had known then what I know now, that someone could be so ungrateful for all the sacrifices made for him. I appreciated everything my parents did for me, no matter how small. I guess I expected the same, but what disappointment I have seen the last few years. To be thrown out like trash, something I could never do. Everything changes when you become widowed, there is really no one you can count on in your family. They don’t care. They are too busy seeing what they can get out of the deal. They come over to your house and just help themselves to your property. And once they have gotten all they wanted, they toss you to the side. If only I had known…..

In the last week we have lost two widows and one widower. One of the widows was only 35 and leaves behind four children. People don’t understand what grief does to a person. Everyone will eventually have to deal with grief but it’s sad that people lack understanding of what widows and widowers deal with. We all belong to a group that no one wants to belong to. But we didn’t have a choice in the matter unfortunately. So please try to be understanding when dealing with someone who has lost their spouse, show some empathy. Don’t be judgmental….

Yesterday was my mother in laws Heavenly Birthday. She is missed. She was such a good person, we didn’t always see eye to eye but I loved her. I would have never treated her like I’m being treated by my daughter in law. She says I’m an awful person, but for many years she took advantage of my generosity and never said those things when Troy was alive. I would have never told Troy that he couldn’t be around his mother and even if I had he would have said no way am I staying away from my mother. We both respected her. Of course I was raised to treat people with respect, even if we disagree. I’m thankful for our daughter and her husband who treat me good. Troy would be thankful. I’m working now on finalizing my documents for after I’m gone. The way I have been treated greatly influenced my decisions. Miss you Ruby, until we meet again…..

someone tell you that you are a bad person after they have taken and taken from you. It’s funny you were a nice person then, but they are through with you now. They have gotten all they want from you, so they can now say mean things and lie about you. How they can justify it, I’ll never know. Sad that this is the kind of society we now live in. People can use you and then through you out like trash. But it is true what goes around comes around. This was done to me, I have shared this with all my friends and they are shocked when they hear the story. They can’t believe their ears, but it is true. So always treat others the way you want to be treated. Being nice to others, is the right thing to do. It will come back to you ten fold…..

I lost a friend lost week, I used to work with him. He was married and had several children. I feel for his widow, I can feel her pain and sorrow. It is such a hard road to travel and we have to do it alone cause no one can understand the pain unless they have been through it. I’ve watched my life change so much over the last ten years, some good and some bad. I’m glad I found Melvin, he’s been right there for me all along. If he hadn’t been there when I had my heart attack, I may not be here typing this right now. Troy would be thankful that he is looking out for me. I hope Patty finds help along her journey through grief. It is an everchanging experience. Hope she doesn’t find herself deserted by those she really needs. That happened to me. That was important to Troy, that I have those around me for support. But I found out that you can’t always count on family, even family that you supported the whole time they were growing up. They let others convince them that you are somehow evil and don’t deserve their support. We all have times in our life where we need support and its a good feeling to be able to be that support for others. What goes around definitely comes around. So while we are on this earth, try to show love and support for one another. It’s just that easy……

Hard to believe I’m another year older. Our daughter Ashley sent me some nice treats for my special day. Troy would be so proud of her. She treats me so good. Our son and his wife have nothing to do with me. That’s ok, in the end it will hurt them not me. We all have to suffer the consequences of our behavior and actions. I had a great husband and we raised a daughter who treats others the way she wants to be treated. Hard to believe he’s been gone almost eleven years. A lot has changed in those years. A lot that he wouldn’t be happy about. But I just saw another birthday without him. Miss you Troy.