Jane is a Widow

ever let people make up lies about you to make themselves look good. You can see right through them.

Wish I could stay here in my happy place. Maybe some day I will. I noticed today how much my heart attack damaged my body. My stamina is not what it used to be, but I continue to pray that someday it will be. I just keep plugging along and keep looking for even a smidgeon of improvement. We must never give up. That’s not even an option. Can’t wait to see what tomorrows adventures will be.

I’m here!!!!

As the saying goes, all pictures tell a story. I’m getting ready to discard a lot of pictures from Troy’s mom. I have no idea who the people are, and he didn’t know either. As far as I know all of Troy’s cousins have passed, so asking them about them isn’t an option. It’s really sad, cause the children of his cousins wouldn’t know who they are. All these pictures meant something to someone many years ago. I’m sad that I’m discarding pictures that meant a lot to someone. They were someone’s memories. I have all of my mothers pictures that were taken in Germany. She wrote in the album who they were. People should always try to do that, so those who come after us will know who they are.

I was going through photos and came across photos of my beloved Sadie. She was one of a kind. Troy and I were out shopping one day and as we were sitting at the stop light, I noticed a lady in a van with 2 black schnauzer puppies. I said oh I want one, so we stopped and talked to the lady. One was a male and the other was a female. I asked Troy if we could please get the female, he said if Ashley agreed we would get her. I knew Ashley would never say no to a puppy. So began our life with Sadie. There was never a dull moment. There was a special connection between me and her. After Troy passed, she would bark at me every morning telling me to get up. I didn’t want to get up but her and Lucy made me. She would patrol around the pool every day. She was quite the hunter, sadly she caught many a rabbit until I finally stopped them from getting into the fenced area. She developed a heart murmur and was put on meds, and then sadly she developed Cushings. But she kept plugging along. After Kim blessed me with Jude, Sadie was busy teaching her, Jude followed Sadie everywhere. I thought she would always be with me. She started coughing one night, the vet said it was congestive heart failure and there was really nothing we could do. The humane thing was to let her go. Melvin wasn’t able to be with me at the time, so I had to take Sadie all by myself. It was so very hard that I was all alone. I remember saying bye to her and I just couldn’t quit crying. I didn’t go to work the next day. I had just lost another piece of our life together. I miss her every day, she was such a special dog. I loved all my dogs, but me and her had a special bond. She helped save me after Troy passed. And for that I’m forever grateful.

Lately I’ve been thinking about Indiana a lot. This time of the year is just beautiful there. I miss the autumn season we had there. It was Troy’s favorite. The smell of burning leaves in the air and the beautiful colors of the leaves. I have so many memories of our 42 years together. They used to bring tears to my eyes, now when I remember something I feel so thankful that I have wonderful memories. You can never prepare yourself for the death of your spouse. You haven’t a clue how your life is about to flip upside down, turn inside out, and never be the same. Just hold on and take a seat cause you will soon be so lost in the fog you wonder if you will ever find your way out.