Jane is a Widow

was my Bridesmaid when I got married. We were such good friends, always hanging out together. She was such a good friend. She’s in my prayers now because she is dealing with cancer. I am so sorry that she has to deal with such an awful disease. I hope that one of these days I will get to see her. We haven’t seen each other since April 24, 1976. She was always there for me. She was a good friend to Troy too. I’m praying you get well Barbara……

When we moved to Texas in 1995, I started a new job in 1996 analyzing television commercials. It was unlike any job I had before. I met Lori when I started working there and we became friends. We had lunch together often, our favorite being the potato soup at Cheddars. The man we worked for was something else to say the least, lol. Hope to never meet anyone like him again. Lori ended up quitting there, getting married and moving to Australia. I kept working from home for the company till 2016, two years after Troy passed. Lori just returned for a visit after leaving Texas 17 years ago. We were going to try and do lunch, our special potato soup but an emergency on my end prevented it. She told me she will be back soon and hopefully we can get together then. I have so many great memories of working with her and nightmare ones too, haha. Safe travels home Lori, love you……

finding your way after losing your spouse. It’s like you’re outside looking in. Where did my life go, I don’t recognize it anymore. How can I go on? How can I find my way. Looking to God is a good way to start. He will walk beside you showing you the way. Don’t give up, show up every day and don’t get discouraged. It’s so hard, the hardest thing I’ve ever done but I’m still here by the grace of God. Family has turned on me but it hasn’t stopped me. Don’t ever let them stop you from moving forward in an effort to be happy. It’s unfortunate that they want to deny you happiness after the loss you have suffered. Just keep plugging along….you will get there.

awesome and beautiful daughter, Ashley. I wish Troy was here to help us celebrate. I’m so proud of the woman she has become and I know he would be too. She’s considerate and kind. I hope she has a wonderful day. It’s hard to believe that she is 38, I remember when she was a baby. Thank you God for putting Ashley in our lives…..

neighbor yesterday and we were discussing how long we had lived next to each other. Ashley was 8 when we moved to Texas from Indiana. Tomorrow she will be 38, I’ve lived in our house for 30 years. Unfortunately Troy wasn’t afforded the same opportunity. I’m going to work real hard this year at getting myself in a position to move to the Hill country. That’s where I want to be. I’m praying that I get there. So much has changed in those 30 years, some good, some bad. Troy wouldn’t recognize it now. I wish he were here but he’s not and I can’t change that. I have 38 years of memories with him and I’ll never run out. Yesterday another student from Shenandoah passed away. We were never friends at school but became friends on facebook. I was really impressed with all the baking she did and I knew she had some health problems. Her daughter passed from cancer a few years ago, and she started an organization that made cozy chemo comforters in memory of her. She will be missed especially by her family. RIP Dianne, godspeed…..

to Troy’s death anniversary. After the date of our wedding anniversary things become sad cause I know his death anniversary is right around the corner. The grief changes, it’s never the same. I heard from one of my widower friends the other day, it was so sad what he had to say. He always has the most beautiful pictures with the perfect words. I have been seeing less and less of him, he let us know why. He is dealing with the onset of alzheimers. I felt so very sad for him. He said there are days he stands in a room and doesn’t know where he is or who he is. How very sad for him. I’m thankful for my memories of Troy even though they are painful but my friend is losing his ability to claim the memories he once had. I thought of my aunt who I watched slowly slip away from us. She was like a mother to me. I wish you well Michael, and pray you can hang on to your memories for a long time……thank you for blessing us all with your beautiful pictures and words.

after Troy passed, I started seeing the signs. Little remarks made to me that indicated I knew where there was going. As I reread the letter from August 2022, I had to chuckle to myself. It is really hilarious. How immature and childish it was. We are adults but I swear it’s like a letter from a child. You’ve been mean to me for 15 years, lol. So when Troy was alive I was being so very mean, lol. And I have bent over backwards for you for 15 years, lol. Awe you poor thing. And when you let political views affect your relationships that even shows your immaturity more. Waa Waa, you don’t like who I like. My parents had lots of friends from the opposite side of the political spectrum but I guess this generation just can’t handle that. You have to like who they like. Try growing up and showing a little respect to people that think differently than you do. I did, when Troy and I accepted you even though you are an atheist. You really have some issues you need to work on but that’s ok I’m moving on and just finding all the humor in the situation….sadly it doesn’t hurt me it only hurts your husband…..