Jane is a Widow

a lot right now. Maybe it’s because it’s the month we got married in. The grief comes in waves, sometimes calm and other times like a rip current trying to pull me under. We always went to church on Easter, I really miss that. This year I have been ultra sensitive about him being gone…almost overcome with sadness….

the person who completed your life, you have no idea how your insides are torn apart. The pain of losing them, how do you go on without them? I remember my Mother telling me how after my Father died she spent every day sitting on the couch. She couldn’t function, only after I lost Troy did I understand what she meant, what she was going through. That horrible pain that wouldn’t go away. Asking yourself how do I go on without them. We were supposed to be together forever, how did this happen, why did it happen? God sees us through, helps us find our way and puts people in our lives to help us move forward. We are never the same, forever changed. How can you go through something so traumatic and not be changed. Something that was part of your life is forever gone. Their touch, smell, everything about them gone. I often reflect on the millions of memories I have of our life together. Some good, some bad but they made me who I am today. I’m so thankful for the time we had together…..I’ll always love you Troy. 💕

brings back lots of memories of when I was a kid and attended sunrise service every Easter. One Easter I got a duck and some little colored chicks. We always had chickens when I was growing up. I would go collect the eggs every morning in the chicken coop. Then Troy and I always filled plastic eggs and hid them in the yard and it was so much fun watching the kids hunt for them. One year we got them a bunny. Makes for lots of good memories. Wish Troy was here to share them with me…..

to the best mother in law ever. I miss you, you were like a mother to me. You and John raised a good son who I was lucky enough to be married to. You both were so good to me. I miss you both. I’ll always be grateful for the love you both showed me. Until we meet again…..it didn’t matter that we weren’t on the same political side.

Troy had a really good intuition about people. He saw them for what they really were. He said things and I now know what he was talking about. He just isn’t here to experience it. Me on the other hand like to think that those people in my life are good people. But they aren’t always and they do mean things to you and they do things to hurt you. At some point you see people for what they really are. Under all that niceness you saw is the ugly. It eventually comes out and digs its ugly claws into you. You must remember that there are evil people in the this world and sometimes they make their way into your life. But good always wins over evil…..

On March 11 in 2011 I said goodbye to a very special lady, Elaine McInchak. She fought MS with grace. She was always doing for others. She came and took me out to lunch after one of my ankle surgeries. She could hardly walk herself but that didn’t stop her. Her husband Bob took such good care of her. She touched many lives with her generous spirit. She was a shining light. I miss talking to you Elaine but I think of you often. Thanks for being my friend….RIH

humbled by the many birthday wishes I got for my un birthday. I still miss the silly card I always got from Troy. You know me and him were different in so many ways. But we didn’t care. We didn’t try to change each other, we accepted each other just the way we were. Don’t ever let someone try to change you. If someone doesn’t want you in their life unless you change, don’t do it. Narcissists try to manipulate and change people into what they want them to be. Be yourself don’t let them tell you what to think or do. People should love you just the way you are. Don’t let them make you think that you are a bad person just because you think or believe differently. Just keep being you…..❤️

ago I celebrated my first birthday here in Texas. There was a 29th that year and my mom flew here. It seems like it was so long ago, I guess it was. My life has changed so much since that time. You can never know what will happen in your life. I look back and think about how much Troy and I went through during our time together. He went through so much with his parents being ill. We saw a lot of changes in our life, some good and some bad. Makes for a lot of memories that I wouldn’t trade for anything. See you on the flip side Troy…..thanks for the memories. Treasure your loved ones they are only here for a short time….